Kane's Christmas Hell
by Scorpina
Summary: The director of Operations has a long day's worth of work ahead of him. However, little does Kane know, there has been a family tradition each Christmas he was never told about... until he gets thrown into it. Author's note, please bare with me as I try to make this story as funny as possible... you'll see why soon enough!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- The long day's work.

If there was one thing Kane didn't like about the job, it was paper work. Constant and ever lasting. He didn't see an end in sight. "Perhaps I should have just stuck to being in the ring." He muttered to himself one night.

It was another long day, and his desk was full of document from Stephanie and Triple H. He was signing off on matches and other events, yet recently, the work felt completely and utterly meaningless.

He fell asleep at his desk a few time, but no one saw him. Hardly anyone comes into his office anyway. But it was still a lonely place to be.

After his fourth cup of coffee, the paper work was finally finished. Kane leaned back and was rather proud of himself. "Finished, now what do I do?" He knew the reasoning why he was left to do the paperwork. Stephanie and Hunter have a family to get home to.

Kane didn't.

Still, he didn't want to be stuck doing meaningless tasks. "There has to be more to this Director of Operations job than signing off on matches" he said.

Then came a knock on the door.

"It's open." He called.

No one came in, instead the knock was louder and more demanding. "I said come in!" Kane bellowed.

Still nothing, but the knock was louder than before. Frustrated, Kane got up and out of his chair, he threw open the door and was about to scream aloud to whoever was hassling him. No one was there. Looking up and down the halls, Kane saw no one. There were no skids marks from boots on the floor or anyone snickering near by. It was quite, however, at his feet was an odd box. Curiosity got the better of him as he brought it into the office.

"A Christmas present?" he said to himself.

The paper was black with silver ribbon, for a moment, he assumed it came from the Twisted Twins. The horror directors he worked with on See No Evil 2. But knowing them, they would never knock and dash. They would want to be there when he opened it and see what they got him. This was from someone else.

He shook it gently at first, but didn't hear a thing, then he gave it a hard shake. Still not a sound came from it. Now he had to know what was inside. He unwrapped the ribbon and stripped the paper. Just as his fingers reach under the lid, did the box begin to smoke. It engulfed his feet and quickly filled the room. Kane felt his head become fogged as well, his eyes rolled as he hit the ground rather hard…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2- Kane's own personal Hell.

Our tale takes a turn, just so you know. It will have a tone and a simple flow.

We see Kane on the ground, dead to the world. Unbeknownst to him, this is next part would make his lip curl.

His head tossed and turned, as he tried to wake. Perhaps he should keep still for his sake. But his eye opened, the world was a strange illusion. "Damn it, did I have a contusion?"

He sat up slowly, but took in a sight. Standing before him was an elf named Dwight. "Oh good you're awake, he said you would be too. Come on, get up we have much to do."

Kane sat there, confused as ever. "Who the hell are you? This dream isn't getting any better. I swear I was just in my office, and I was opening a gift. How the hell did I end up here, let alone get the lift?" He paused to his words, Kane felt sick. "I am rhyming as I speak, Oh God end this quick!"

"Much needs to be explained, but the rhyming is simple. It makes the job go quicker, even if an elf has more brains than dimples. We need you now, so please stand up. Kane, we have been expecting you enough is enough."

"Who do you think you are, and are you insane? I am not going anywhere, or playing this game. For that matter make this stop right now, if I keep rhyming, your heads are all going to get pound!"

"Please, listen I can only say this once. We need your help and you were recommended to us. I wasn't suppose to tell you this, but I suppose you should understand, we have someone like you come here and we call him the Deadman."

"Wait, am I to get this right, you are not pulling my leg. You bring my brother here what did you do, beg? My brother is cold. He could be a Grinch. He won't even smile let alone flinch." But a thought came to mind. It made Kane snicker. "If he had to rhyme like this all the time, he would left here a lot quicker!"

"Kane, he never spoke, that does explain a lot. Now get up, or I'll have to give you a stern poke!"

The smile subsided. Kane stood his ground. Dwight was quick to show him around. The walls stretched, the roof went taller. It must since Kane wasn't getting any smaller. He walked the halls and noticed the fixtures. Many of them showed his brother in pictures. He stood rather cold, but gave a small grin. "I suppose you have to here, if not it's a sin."

Dwight noticed his eyes looked about the place. "Ah, I knew I would see curiosity on that face. You see, the reason we need someone like you. We got elves who refuse the tasks they do. Not out of hatred, but they are lazy in stead. Half of them don't wake or get out of bed. They are drawn into technology, IPads and more. Texting and tweeting, and they never bore. Our problem is they much rather tweet, but they know we have a schedule to keep!"

"It seems simple to solve, I'll be honest. You never needed me here, you're just being modest!"

"I wish it were true, but we can't compete. How do you stop them from the texts and tweets?"

"Take me to the shop, let's me see this first hand. They will learn to fear me more than the Deadman!"

Dwight led the way. His pace was quickened. Kane followed suit. Time was a ticken'! They hit the main floor, the elves moved about. They lined up, stood at attention, there were too many to count. Their eyes were wide as they stared at Kane, not the one from last year, he isn't the same. Whispers began until Dwight called for their eyes. The Elves were about to be greatly surprised. "You all know the Undertaker, who comes every year. But as you can see clearly, this one lacks the beard. If anything he is to be feared his steps are like thunder, he is the Deadman's brother, a few years younger!"

Kane stepped forward and took notice of their faces, many refused to look up or stay in their places. "It is clear to me, you lack the motivation. Unlike my brother, I speak and will watch each work station. My eyes may not be as cold, but my voice you will fear, rhyming or not am I clear?"

With a nod of their heads, the elves went to work. Yet they all froze when one yelled. "You are nothing but a giant jerk!"

The elves quickly parted and singled out, the one who dared speak his mind and shout. The elf was a teenager, at least Kane thought it was. The hair on his chin was nothing but fuzz. Kane smiled as he looked down at the elf. "Now then, why don't you come closer and tell me yourself?"

More of them came forward with grins. They looked for a fight and knew Kane was in. "We're not scared of you, you are a giant oaf. Come on guys, take him down and make him choke!"

"It is going to be like this, so you insist. You have minutes left with your asses so give it a kiss!"

"Please, this isn't what I had in mind, Kane, please be kind!"

"Dwight, I am, don't you see. Five minutes is all the time I'll need."

"I need this to be peaceful or did you forget? Your brother didn't have to go far to make a threat!"

With a roll of his eyes, Kane was already regretting his stay. "Fine, we'll do it your way!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- Problem solving.

Dwight pulled Kane off the floor, and quickly brought him to the large oak door. "Those are the troublemakers, don't you forget. Keep this up and you'll be on youtube and upset!"

Kane thought it over, but an idea soon came. "I got just the thing that would drive them insane! Take me to your computer room, and don't inquire. When I am through, those teens will inspire!"

The two went to the computer room, three doors down. Kane walked in and smiled to what he found. A room full of computers, no one at the keys. He pulled up a chair as the room echoed from the crack of his knees. He was quick to take to the screen and his fingers worked fast, he was silent until he finished the task. The sound of the enter key made his smile to the work. "Let's go back, and let them see the actions of this big jerk!"

They walked back as the teens began to scream, their Internet was down and Kane's smile was mean. "I did this, now you will hear. You can have your Internet back when I give the all clear. Work well and work fast, work really hard. If you don't my sights will set on your DVRs!"

The teens couldn't believe it, no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get the pass code for the wifi! "This isn't fair, your are a pain. Wait a minute. I know him, that's Kane!"

"Indeed I am, you want me to do my worst? Come at me elf, I'll put you in a hearse!" Calming himself down, Kane looked to the masses. "Now then, any of you want tanned asses?"

They moved quickly and with great speed, even the teenagers made their toys allowing Kane a moment of leave. He went to the break room and took in a snack, milk and cookies if you can imagine that. He looked about and saw and elf with a twinkle in her eye, he knew that look, she was smitten by a guy. Not knowing what he was doing, he sat next to her. She didn't flinch just stared off in a blur. "Got a crush? I've seen that before, who is the guy? Is he a man whore?"

The girl looked upset and she glared at Kane. "This isn't mortal love, it's not the same. So shut your yap. I would tell him my wish list if I sat on his lap."

Kane continued to snack, yet saw the look. The guy was full of himself, no doubt the village snook. "I knew a guy by the name of Edge, in fact it was that look that got my wife in his bed." Suddenly she looked to Kane, wondering if what he said was true. Could the man she loves be like that too? "Look at him flirt he is full of himself, he is probably thinking of everyone he could elf."

"Why would you care, if I fell for it?"

"You seem like a nice one, I didn't want to see you get stuck with that dick."

With his snack all done, Kane returned to the floor. Production was up, but still they needed more. The teens worked with a begrudging look, they still sneered at Kane like he was destined for the naughty book.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- The rebellion

He was given a board and made quick notes, Kane took inventory from Ipads to winter coats. Much of his interest was turned to Santa's sleigh, he always imagined red with a large bag. Much to his surprise it wasn't as it appeared, the toys went into the sack but soon disappeared. "Wait a minute, I saw that with my own eye. How can you fill a sack that is constantly empty inside?"

The elves gave a laugh and were quick to explain. "If it was too big we would need a plane!" The sack was magic and deeper than a bottomless pit, but it raised the question. "How does Santa know which one to pick?"

"You are new here, and don't get to know. That's Santa's secret. Now off you go!"

With a shrug, Kane went on his way. Yet he looked back and still wondered all the same. He did another round, checking off the tasks. Yet the teenagers once more were being a pain in the ass. They stopped all production, and took a break. Kane was upset, and knew they would be late. He found all the elves gathered in the snack room. None paid any mind until his voice boomed. "You barely worked and hour's time, what's the reason for this, are you little buggers blind?"

The head of the teens gave but a shrug. "You are not Undertaker, but you're big and annoying bug."

Kane gave his infamous monster sneer. "Be that as it may, but let's make this clear. You are the ones who bring pride and joy, how will it fell when you fail to make the toy? The world depends on the hard work of elves, but it seems to me you are all in it and full of yourselves."

His words struck a cord with a few, but there were many that care less and continued with the coo. "Do you know, I never had a toy? I became what I am since Santa forgot me when I was a boy. It seems it doesn't matter to you, if this generation turns out as I am, only you would be to blame, wouldn't that be true?" He gave a small smile as he stared down at the elf that led. "If Christmas is ruined, it wouldn't be on my head."

Even the most outspoken of elves were taken back by the thought, was Kane right? It made them think a lot. He said nothing more and walked out of the room, Kane went back to his clipboard and checked off things to do. Dwight wasn't far and was smiling this time, he approach Kane and as he turned on the time. "Whatever you have done, what ever you said. The teenage elves are working schedules ahead. They took the led out of their hands and were quick to create, I don't think even your brother would even forced their hand, not this late!"

"I am set in my ways, my methods are sounds and saves us days. Now to do round, and not a moment too soon. Is that clock right? Is it already noon?"

"Our clock is fast, that is true. But you need to ease up and take a break or two."

With a nod of his head, Kane decided to take a break. Perhaps he could find a bed…


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5- The Room.

Kane took some time to catch some rest, if he didn't he would be rather useless. There happened to be a bed no far from the shop, he was able to lie in it comfortably which was a shock! He slept for a few minutes, even with the light. But was soon woken again by the elf named Dwight. He was gentle to shake him from his sleep, but he said not a word, not a single peep.

His eyes opened as he stretched out the kinks. "Alright, let's keep going before this plan springs a leak"

"To be honest Kane, your work here is done. I must admit this was quite fun! However we need to talk about something, something you said. It was about your childhood, come, get out of bed."

Curiously, Kane rose to his feet. Dwight was serious, his curiosity was peeked. They walked passed the shop, they walked passed the floor, They walked passed the sliver computer door. All the way, the hallway did stretch. Kane never noticed it before, at least, not yet.

Dwight turned to project his voice. "This is Santa's secret, and his choice. He knew of the children he couldn't reach at this time, you among others, the children left behind. But Santa didn't forget, he never does. For you see, each child he does love. Behind you is a door, only you can open. Go in and see for yourself what toys were saved and spoken."

Turning around his hand on the latch, did he dare to open it? Or was this a trap?

His hand turned and the door opened without a sound, Kane walked in and his eyes became spellbound. The room lit up, everything in sight. There awaited the toys he asked for Santa for Christmas night. Everything, he ever wanted, all the toys and games. As his hand reached for them, he pulled back, it just wasn't the same. Kane turned to Dwight, his eyes were sad. He didn't feel right playing with toys, after all, he's bad. "I am a man now, I can appreciate the thought. There is no point to this room or this toy lot."

"This room is special Kane, perhaps I need to explain more. If you wish to be young again, just close the door! It will turn you back into a child, so the toys will be fun once more. Go on Kane, just close the door!"

Kane stared out into the pile of toys, deep down he wanted to and be that boy. However he turned back to Dwight, he walked out and turned off the light. "A childhood lost is just that, no matter the thought. No kindness could bring that back." He closed the door and stared down at the elf. "I am who I am because of myself. Those toys can go to those more in need, Child who still have a chance and won't become like me."

His words stunned Dwight. The elf didn't expect, such kindness from the heart from a monster whose mind is set. Kane looked to the elf and gave a smile of his own. "If it is all the same to you, I would like to go home."

Dwight smiled, and nodded his head. "I suppose the time is right, come now, let's get you back to bed."

Kane was confused by the elf's strange words. Get back to bed? That's the strangest thing he ever heard!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6- Returning to the office.

It was a strange thing for Kane to fall back asleep on the bed. He wasn't the least bit tired, at least, that's what he said. When his head hit the pillow, the room spun once more, he fell deep asleep into a dream of lore.

When his eyes opened once more, he was flat on his back. In the office once more among the paper stacks. He was about to sit himself up, yet paused from the task. Someone else was in the room, sipping on a flask. Slowly he sat up, and to find the noisemaker. Sitting in the chair was his brother the Undertaker!

Kane was about to speak, but the Deadman rose. He approached in silence and tipped on his toes. Of all the things for the Undertaker to do, he pulled out cards from his sleeves. Since when does he need queue cards?!

Kane read the words he places on the cards. Kane read them slowly, since the authority was not far.

'I know what happened, and I know you speak in rhymes, I don't be doing this again any given time. You will be stuck speaking them, for the next three weeks. Unless you do as I say, do you promise me?'

He went through the cards quickly, Kane gave a nod. The last thing he needs is to rhyme and seem like a fraud. The second last card, Taker explained to say aloud. With a gulp of his pride, Kane nodded but still didn't make a sound. The final card revealed, it set Kane back. The Deadman really wanted him to stay that?!

Taker's glare didn't soften at all, in fact he struck Kane once with the cards that were made of stiff board. Without much of a choice, Kane gave a sigh, he gave in to the demands, although it was stupid, that's no lie. "My favorite color is purple… What the hell is that suppose to mean let alone do for me!?"

Kane paused, and realized he didn't rhyme anymore! "What the hell did you do!?"

Taker smiled as he tossed the cards away. "How can your rhyme something that has no rhyme at all?" he asked. "I learned the hard way about that, why do you think I didn't say a word when I came back?" he said. Taker then paused. "Why in God's name are you in a suit?!"

Kane gave a smile as he was helped off the ground. "I thought I would evolve a little."

Taker only glared at him. "The suit doesn't make the monster. You better have a better motive behind this."

"Perhaps." Kane replied. "So, how long have you been going to the North Pole?"

"Don't ask." Growled Taker. "Too long if you ask me. I was told it was to make up for the times I have been on the 'naughty' list. What they tell you?"

"Apparently, you are the one that keeps the elves in line and fearful."

"I like that a lot better than making up for past misdoings."

The two men fell silent for a moment. "You know, we haven't done anything together in ages. Especially at Christmas, did you want to… I don't know… go have a dinner or something?" said Kane.

Taker gave a half smile. "I'll buy if not a word is mentioned to the others about where I go before Christmas!"

Kane smiled back. "I doubt I will be saying anything now, especially after rhyming like Dr. Seuss for God knows how long… how long was I gone for?"

Taker smiled. "It feels like a day or so up at the North Pole. Here, only a hour passed."

The two walked out of the office without another word spoke to their ordeal. Kane could only wonder though, now that he knew the truth. Would he and the Deadman BOTH be going to the North Pole next year?

THE END.


End file.
